If You Change Your Mind
by WhatComesFromWithin
Summary: Regulus and James aren't happy. They know they can be happy with each other, but Regulus is uncertain whether or not he can leave behind the world he knows. For Angel.


**A/N: Hey! This was written for Angel :)**

**Warnings: Implied sexual content, prejudice.**

Regulus leaned the side of his head against the windowpane, gazing out at the frothy green sea below him. His brother's ship would be returning any day now, and Regulus was eagerly anticipating his arrival, although he would never admit such a thing to Sirius. His brother's head was big enough as it was.

Sirius and his crew had been away for six months. While he was usually gone for multiple weeks at a time, it was a rare adventure that kept him overseas this long. Sirius had a wild spirit, and Regulus couldn't fault him for it, even if he didn't understand the appeal of living in constant uncertainty. Regulus chuckled. Their parents didn't understand Sirius' whims either, and they were far less accepting of them than Regulus was. Of course, that didn't bother his brother in the slightest. As long as he had the wind, the sea, a ship, and a couple of coins in his pocket, Sirius would be set for life.

Regulus sighed. He pressed the palm of his hand against the glass and closed his eyes for a moment. What was he going to do with Sirius? And what was he going to do with James?

He slowly opened his eyes again, gaze catching on a flash of white on the horizon. A grin grew across Regulus' face and he hurried to stifle it. That was his brother's ship—Regulus could recognize it anywhere, even without knowing the dog figurehead. Quickly getting to his feet, he brushed himself off and started to walk down the winding staircase to the base of the tower. He stopped once he reached the bottom to collect himself. It would not do for anyone to see him running to the port to meet his brother, not even Sirius and his crew. They knew that they could trust him not to disclose their whereabouts and Regulus knew he could trust them not to let slip that he aided their pirate crew, but he also knew that seamen—pirates especially—loved to gossip, and Regulus could too easily imagine them drinking a pint and laughing about how the younger Black brother was vibrating with excitement at the thought of meeting his big brother. No, that would not do. Not at all.

Regulus slowed his breathing as he listened to the sounds of men shouting and the _Seadog's Star _docking at port. Then he placed his hands behind his back, one hand grasping his wrist, and, lifting his chin, he proudly walked the short distance to meet Sirius.

No matter how long he was away from Regulus, Sirius never changed. Regulus swore that the man hadn't changed in the least—not in his face, his height, his clothing. Even his hair seemed to be the exact length it had been when he'd sailed off six months ago. He was practically strutting when he walked off the gang plank and onto the dock, grinning cockily and smelling like sea salt and rum.

"Regulus!" Sirius laughed loudly and clapped a hand on Regulus' shoulder. "How have you been, brother?"

Regulus allowed the corner of his mouth to lift upwards. "I've been well, Sirius. And how have your little sea adventures fared? Have you been treating your crew well?"

Sirius faked a wounded expression. "I cannot believe that you would assume that I have treated my crew in any way undeserving of the king himself. Honestly, Regulus, it's the way they've treated me that you should be most concerned about."

Regulus smirked. "Is that so? So there's been attempted mutiny, then?"

"There is every voyage."

The Black brothers turned to see the source of the new voice, Remus Lupin, Sirius' navigator, walking toward them and carrying a plethora of rolled up maps. His amber eyes sparkled in amusement as he looked between the two of them.

Sirius pouted. "You wound me, Remus, you really do."

"And I suppose you're the one who always organizes this event?" Regulus asked Remus, ignoring his brother.

Remus grinned. "Naturally."

Regulus shook his head. "Then it really is a wonder that my brother hasn't been marooned yet."

"I always manage to seduce him before he casts me overboard," Sirius answered, puckering his lips at Remus and slinging an arm around his shoulders.

Remus shrugged. "It's always worth a try."

Regulus melted a little bit inside when he looked at them. They were happy, free, and in love, which was all Sirius had ever wanted. And Regulus was happy for them; they deserved this life. His happiness for them still didn't quite numb the sharp pang Regulus felt in his own chest, though. He cleared his throat. "I should allow you all to finish unloading your cargo. No one saw you docking here, right, Sirius?"

The older Black brother sobered up immediately. "No, Reg. We wouldn't do that to you."

Remus grimaced slightly. "Sirius—"

"That was nothing, Moony." Sirius' gaze was sharp.

Instantly Regulus was on high alert. Sharply, he said to his brother, "You need to let me know if anyone followed you, Sirius. You may be my brother, but I won't allow you to put me and all I've worked for at risk. Already I'm—"

"Risking everything you've worked for and your reputation, _I know_," Sirius interrupted impatiently. "Listen, I wouldn't keep anything from you if I thought it posed a real threat. We saw a small ship on the horizon for a while, but that was it. After an hour we couldn't even see it anymore. If they saw us, they felt no need to engage; Remus is just worried because it was closer to the coast than ships out this way usually are. No need to worry. Besides," Sirius added, his tone becoming bitter, "I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize your precious _reputation_."

Regulus clenched his jaw. "It's important," he insisted.

"It's not," Sirius shot back easily.

Remus put a hand on Sirius' chest before the familiar argument could start, awkwardly shifting the maps he was still holding.

Guilt immediately settled in Regulus' stomach despite his best efforts to keep it at bay. "I'll show the two of you to your quarters."

The walk back toward Regulus' estate was silent. Thoughts were swirling through Regulus' head, and he was angry at himself, but he also couldn't help being mad at Sirius. His brother hadn't even been back on land for an hour and already they were fighting amongst one another again. He resisted the rising urge to kick the sand. Why could things never be simple between the two of them? Regulus had thought that they'd reached an agreement when Sirius first ran away to become a criminal, but no. Things were still rocky between the two of them.

Mother and Father had been furious. Truth be told, most things Sirius did tended to enrage them, but nothing had made them seem quite apoplectic as they did upon reading the brief note Sirius had left on the breakfast table.

In all honesty, Regulus still couldn't believe that Sirius had run off as he had at all. Yes, his brother's ideals differed significantly from their parents' but was that really a reason to throw everything away? Sirius could have estranged himself from them without the _Seadog's Star_ and the title of captain.

Then again, Regulus supposed that Sirius had always had a flare for the dramatics.

He came to the grand oak door and opened it for his guests. Most of Sirius' crew would be sleeping on the ship, but Regulus always allowed the captain, his first mate, and his navigator to sleep in comfort during their stays. He had insisted upon it when he and Sirius first made their little arrangement, actually.

Remus and Sirius really didn't need any help finding their shared room, but they let Regulus lead the way regardless. He didn't know if he felt grateful or annoyed that they recognized his need to be in control at the present moment.

On the second floor in the west wing, Regulus halted in front of a relatively modest bedroom, which he knew Remus appreciated. "Here we are," he needlessly announced.

Sirius pushed past him with hardly a glance in his direction. Remus looked at Regulus pityingly and murmured a quiet thank you to him as he carried all of his maps into the couple's bedroom. Too late, Regulus realized that he should have offered to carry some of the maps for Remus. It was not much comfort to him that his brother had forgotten to do the same thing.

In a vain attempt at helping, Regulus reached behind Remus and pulled the door closed for him. Letting out a huff of air, he turned and began to walk to the opposite wing where his own bedroom was located. He was expecting someone.

* * *

Regulus had just closed the door to his bedroom when he was pushed roughly against the wall. Warm lips pressed against his in a hypnotic rhythm while calloused hands roamed over the expanse of his back, already underneath his shirt. Regulus kissed back enthusiastically, eagerly breathing in the scent of sea salt and sandalwood. His own hands reached to cup his lover's face tenderly before moving to tangle themselves in windswept, dark locks.

After a minute the two broke apart, and Regulus found himself gazing happily into safe, amber eyes, alight as ever with mischief. Regulus bit his lip. "Everything is done with the ship, then, is it?"

The corners of James' mouth quirked upwards. "Everything's ship-shape. It took you so long to walk over here," he complained.

A laugh worked its way out of Regulus' chest. "How did you even get in here?" he asked curiously. "You can't have been done with the ship for very long, and I would have seen you sneaking around on my way over here if you'd come through the door."

James sheepishly gestured to the window on the opposite wall. "I wanted a challenge."

Regulus rolled his eyes, albeit fondly. Moving away from the wall, he crossed the room and grabbed a bottle of wine from the top of his desk. "There's really no need to be sneaking around," Regulus commented as he poured, "because I always make sure the servants have their off week the week you lot come and visit."

It was true—Regulus wasn't exactly what one would call a people person, and he found the idea of always having strangers around him very disconcerting. Propriety demanded he not mingle much with the lower classes anyway, and even if he were to try to ignore that rule, he knew that most of his servants were more loyal to his parents than him. Word would get out, his parents would be furious and disown him, and his reputation, all he had worked for, would be ruined. So he required the servants only to come every other week. He could tell that they liked this arrangement, as they were being paid just as much as anyone else, just for less work, and Regulus was protected. When Sirius and his crew came along, Regulus made sure that it was an off week so he was the only one at the estate. The system worked well for everyone involved.

"But where's the fun in that?" James whined.

Regulus smirked at him. "I'd have thought that the real fun was found _in_ the room, not in the journey to the room."

James waggled his eyebrows. "I mean, that it pretty fun, too. In fact," he said, stepping forward until he had backed Regulus up against the bed, "how would you like to entertain each other right now?"

Regulus, looping his arms around James' neck, leaned backwards until his back hit the bed. "There is nothing that I would like more."

* * *

Regulus woke up alone in his bed, but he was used to this. Blinking the haziness from his eyes and ignoring the ache in his chest, Regulus sat up in bed and stretched. James would be in his hammock on the _Seadog's Star_, as if he had never left the ship, if he wasn't up working with the rest of the crew already.

Regulus sighed as he stood up to get ready for the day. Keeping their relationship a secret sometimes weighed heavily upon him, but he was willing to pay this price. As he exited his room and walked to the kitchens for breakfast, he reminded himself that he was really living the best of two worlds.

He'd feel less hollow once he had some food in him.

Sirius was already in the kitchen with Remus, juggling apples to encourage the sleepy but fond smile his boyfriend was sending his way. The thought that the two of them belonged here more than he did struck Regulus suddenly. They were happy, glowing in the early morning light, so at ease and at peace with the world. They shouldn't be, really. Sirius was an ex-member of one of the wealthiest families in the land, disgraced and considered volatile; Remus, used to being the dirt beneath everyone's feet, should have been hardened and bittered, trapped by his social standing and his inability to get ahead in the world. Not to mention that the two of them were living an illegal lifestyle. The two had somehow managed to live outside of the lot they were given in life, and instead of suffering for their shady choices, they were...happy.

It was very, very confusing.

Regulus pulled out a chair opposite of Remus. "Please tell me," he began, grabbing an orange from the fruit bowl and beginning to peel it, "that my brother makes a fool of himself like this in front of his crew."

Remus chuckled as Sirius squawked indignantly and dropped his apples. "He and James are both known comedians, sir."

Sirius stopped picking up the fruit he'd dropped to say, "Don't call him 'sir', Moony; there's no need for that."

Remus glanced cooly at Sirius. "You may not think so, but he is a nobleman, and we are guests in his house. I will pay him the respect he deserves." When Sirius scoffed again, Remus turned to glare at him fully. "Sirius, we've discussed this."

"He's my brother—"

"He's a _lord_—"

"You don't address me formally!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "_You_ renounced your title. It means more to your brother than it did to you." Turning to Regulus, who was feeling very out of place, he apologized, "I'm sorry, Lord Regulus."

Regulus couldn't quite meet the intelligent amber eyes in front of him. His title meant the world to him, and it rubbed him the wrong way to be addressed by anyone as just _Regulus_, except for Sirius and James. Sirius because he was his brother and they'd grown up together, and James because...Well, because he was James. Regulus knew that he respected him enough without the titles and that he acknowledged and maybe even was proud of Regulus for what he was. But Remus…

Remus was an incredible person; Regulus knew that even if he didn't know him very well. He'd managed to both tame Sirius and to keep him alive, neither of which were easy feats. But Regulus just couldn't ignore Remus' beginnings. He didn't want to be this man's equal; he was his superior, and he wanted to be thought of as such. It wasn't that he thought of himself as a better man—just that he thought of himself as being worthy of the respect that came along with his position.

Sirius was staring at him, silently demanding that Regulus tell Remus there was no need to apologize, that he didn't need to address Regulus as he had. Instead he said, "It's all right, Remus."

Neither of them flinched as Sirius stormed past them and out of the kitchen. Regulus popped a piece of his orange into his mouth.

"Lord Regulus," Remus started to say before he appeared to think better of it and closed his mouth.

"Please," Regulus said, "continue."

Remus regarded him thoughtfully. "May I speak frankly?"

Regulus bit his lip, but he allowed it. "Of course."

Remus reached down and picked up one of the apples that Sirius had dropped. He turned it idly in his hands as he said, "I want to begin by saying that I am extremely grateful for your hospitality. I know that allowing us here, with or without Sirius' flag flying, comes at a great risk for you." Remus paused. "So my question for you is, why allow it at all?"

Suddenly it was hard for Regulus to swallow. His pulse thundered against his skin.

"Your reputation, obviously, is of great importance to you, which is not a terrible thing, no matter what Sirius may imply," Remus reassured him quickly. "But if anyone were to see us, you'd be ruined. So why bother at all, if it's safer to let Sirius roam around foreign coasts?"

The grain on the table was very interesting. How had Regulus not noticed that before? "He's my brother," Regulus replied slowly. "I do miss him, from time to time, and...and this way I at least know he's still alive and well."

They both knew that he'd lied. That was part of the reason, but it definitely wasn't the whole truth. Still, it was all Regulus could admit to himself, let alone Remus.

In a show of genuine kindness, Remus didn't push him for more information. He simply smiled at Regulus and told him, "Sirius cares a great deal for you, you know. He often tells me that he misses the times the two of you shared in your teen years."

The good old days. That was the first thought that flashed through Regulus' mind. But they couldn't have been. They were rebellious, their parents were always yelling at the two of them, and Regulus and Sirius definitely didn't have any of the respect and power that Regulus had now. Regulus was currently living his good days. Wealth, status...what wasn't to like?

Because he didn't know what to say, Regulus just smiled slightly in response.

Remus' chair scraped against the floor as he stood up. "If you'll excuse me, my lord."

Regulus nodded absentmindedly as Remus left. He finished off his orange and then decided to head off to the shore, hoping that some sunshine would help him warm up a little bit.

* * *

James pulled the rope taut and tied it securely to the main mast. He barked out another order and then wiped the sweat from his brow. The sun beat down harshly on him, but he happily embraced its warmth. As much as he loved the ocean's cool spray and welcomed the sea breezes he so often felt, there was something comforting about pulling into port and allowing yourself to bask in the sun's rays.

James had just started doing the routine check of the ship when he saw Sirius stalk up the gangplank. James stifled a sigh and rushed to cut off his friend before he could reach his captain's quarters. James caught up to him right before his hand touched the doorknob.

"What's wrong, mate?" he asked, grabbing Sirius' wrist.

Sirius' grey eyes concealing a brewing storm. "I just don't understand him."

James shut his eyes briefly. He knew who they were talking about. "Regulus."

James' captain threw his hands up into the air, throwing off James' grip. "Yes! What's his problem? One minute we're getting along great, and the next we couldn't be further from seeing eye-to-eye." Sirius wrenched the door open. "Let's talk about this inside."

When they stepped inside, Sirius poured them each a drink and they both pulled out a chair for themselves. James stared at the amber liquid and swirled it around in his glass. It was always...strange to talk to Sirius about Regulus. Sirius didn't know about their relationship—no one did. It was safer for both of them that way. At least, that was what James and Regulus told each other every time they breached the subject of letting Sirius know. It was a rocky road, but James had always liked living with a little risk.

A part of him still wished he could wake up in the morning with the cause of that risk, though.

"What happened?" James asked finally, figuring he and Sirius had brooded long enough.

Sirius took a large swig of ale. "Remus called him 'sir' and I'm sure is addressing him as 'lord' as we speak, and Regulus is okay with that! In fact, the pompous prat prefers it. I...why can't he let go of it? Just for Remus, for us?"

Of course. It always went something like this. Sirius always expected his younger brother to have seen the light and turned away from their parents, and Regulus just couldn't wrap his head around why Sirius wanted that yet. Both of them were inevitably left disappointed.

"You know that he doesn't see things the way you do," James reminded Sirius gently. "He thinks that he deserves what he has, and if he deserves it, he doesn't see why he shouldn't be given the respect that's supposedly due to him. Part of that respect, Sirius, is being addressed properly." James knew how Regulus thought on this subject matter. He'd asked him this same question many, many times before.

"I can't believe that he sees other people as _beneath_ him," Sirius grumbled. He straightened in his chair suddenly. "James, my old friend, my trusted first mate—what do you think?"

"Huh?"

"What do you think," Sirius reiterated, "about Regulus? What would you tell him if he was your brother?"

James swallowed. "Uh." He cleared his throat. "I guess that...well…" What was he supposed to say? _Well, actually, I've argued with your brother quite a bit on points like this. I've ruined quite a few otherwise magical nights with these questions. _

James hated lying to Sirius. "I'd try to understand where he was coming from…"

Sirius raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. "And when that fails?" he asked dryly.

James groaned and threw his head back. "And when that fails," he continued, "I'd…I'd try to convince him to...I'd explain to him _patiently and kindly_," he emphasized, looking at Sirius sternly, "why I thought he was in the wrong without making him feel like he was a bad person. It'll take time, but I think it's the only successful way. He's been taught to value these things, Sirius, and all he saw growing up was your parents casting you out when you disobeyed their wishes and betrayed the family ideals."

Sirius seemed to be pondering James words, and James let him. He needed to think, too.

Should he be trying harder to push Regulus in Sirius' footsteps? Regulus knew that James agreed with Sirius more than Regulus himself, and for a while the two of them had been okay with that. The initial attraction they had to each other wasn't purely physical, but neither had expected their relationship to last as long as it had. As their relationship had progressed to the point where James knew they had both fallen in love, they couldn't focus on the small details of each other anymore. They had to look at the bigger picture, and that meant looking at the things they had avoided talking about. It no longer mattered that Regulus knew and could recite James' mother's favorite poem, and it no longer mattered that James could recall every detail of the story behind Regulus' favorite constellation. James may know how Regulus liked his tea without ever having to be told, and Regulus may know how to calm James down after he got into a scuffle with someone, but they couldn't keep what they liked and forget the rest. They _had_ to acknowledge the fact that Regulus was part of the upper class and James the lower, beyond keeping their relationship a secret. They _had _to acknowledge that James longed for the thrill of being on the open sea and that Regulus liked living in his fancy manor. They couldn't forget that James couldn't care less about things like status and wealth, didn't care if other people respected him or whether or not he was stationed above anyone else. Regulus needed those things to feel like he was worthwhile.

James was startled from his thoughts when Sirius groaned and said, "It's always my mother's fault."

James laughed.

He and Sirius both finished their drinks. James stood up and mockingly saluted him. "Well, Cap, I suppose I better get back to work."

Sirius shook his head. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go do your first matey stuff."

When he arrived back on deck, James bumped into Remus. "I suppose you're looking for the captain, aren't you?" James grinned, teasing his friend.

"Shut up, James," Remus said, laughing.

"I know he's dashing and all that, but he's a total idiot, Moony. What do you see in him?"

James meant it as a joke, so he was surprised when Remus gave him an answer. "I see a man who loves his friends and his brother, someone who would throw away all he has to pursue his dreams, who would do anything for the people he loves except deny who he is, and someone who knows how to live life to its fullest."

James blinked, mouth agape. "Geez, Moony, that was...something," he finished lamely.

Remus chuckled at him. "So is Sirius. Now, if you'll excuse me, I do in fact need to see the captain."

James stepped aside dutifully and Remus slipped past him.

* * *

Remus' words would not leave James' head, and he couldn't understand why. He knew what Sirius and Remus thought of each other; they were his best mates, after all. But sometimes he was hit by the affection they held for each other, by the amount of respect they regarded the other with, by their love. This was apparently going to be one of those days.

Sometimes James thought that they had it easy. Their views were aligned like the stars in Orion's Belt. They got to wake up every morning in each other's arms, and they never had to sneak about in the dead of night to visit one another.

James wanted that. He wanted that more than he had wanted anything else in his life. But the thing was, he didn't want that with just anybody. He wanted that with Regulus specifically. Unfortunately, that was something that he wasn't sure Regulus would give him.

The memory of the day the two of them first met resurfaced in James' mind, and soon he was lost in it.

_The rocks dug sharply into his bare feet as James raced across the sand, but he couldn't feel the sting amidst his excitement. The wind whipped through his black hair and seawater sprayed his tan skin. The sun beat down on him as he relished in the feeling of being alive, of being free. Hunger and the cold were no strangers to him, but he wasn't tangled in any strings like he used to be. Leaving had been the best decision he'd ever made, and he knew that he would never regret it. It's what his parents would have wanted, had they still been alive. He'd escaped the illness that had taken them from him, and now he had escaped the life of servitude staring him in the face. His fate was his for the making once again. _

_The old seaman who'd given him a job in the shipyard had let him have the day off, and in true James-fashion, he was using it to explore the coast. _

_A pained shout interrupted his moment of serenity. Quickly coming to a halt, James turned his head in the direction he thought the shout had come from. After listening for a moment, he heard a frustrated groan sounding from behind an outcrop of rocks not far down the beach from where he was. James took off running again, hoping that whoever it was wasn't horribly injured. _

_James rounded the outcrop. "Hey, are you okay?"_

_He sucked in a breath at the sight before him. A boy only a few years younger than he was, perhaps sixteen, was lying on the sand. He had longish black hair that hung around his face as he cradled his right ankle, which was rapidly swelling. At the sound of James' voice, his head snapped up, and James was immediately held captive by piercing grey eyes. _

_The boy immediately looked suspicious. "What do you want?"_

_James snapped out of his little trance and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, a nervous habit. "I heard you shout," he explained in a gentle tone. This boy looked like he would try to bolt any second now, and James didn't want him to hurt himself anymore than he already had. "I came to help."_

_The boy shook his head. "Thank you, but I don't need any help." In a poor attempt to prove his point, the boy pushed himself to his feet, knees promptly buckling. _

_Before he could hit the ground, James rushed forward and caught him around the waist. Hazel eyes bored into grey ones, and the boy's cheeks gained a light dusting of pink. James started to smirk. He could work with that. "Aw, you didn't have to fall for me, you know."_

_The boy's eyes widened comically and his face turned bright red. "I—I'm not—"_

_James laughed. "You're cute," he teased. "What's your name?"_

_Really, he should be more careful. He had no idea whether or not this boy would be disgusted by his flirting or what he would tell his family, but James was currently drunk on life. He felt invincible, like he was king of the world. He wanted to tease this boy, and he couldn't find himself really minding what the consequences may be. _

_The boy was adorably flustered, something that James could tell didn't happen to him often. James could also tell that the boy hadn't yet realized that his hands were still gripping his shirt, and James wasn't going to tell him. Could he get any cuter?_

_After opening and closing his mouth several times, the boy in his arms replied, "I'm Regulus. Regulus Black."_

_James smiled warmly. "Hello, Regulus. James Potter, at your service."_

_Regulus stared at him for a second before realization dawned in his eyes. He scrambled to stand upright and disentangle himself from James. Laughing loudly but good naturedly, James helped him, although he looped one of Regulus' arms around his shoulder as it was clear that he wouldn't be able to support his weight alone. _

"_So," James began, "what happened to your ankle?"_

_Regulus refused to meet his gaze, too busy studying the ground. "You don't need to help me," he insisted, dodging the question. _

_James pulled Regulus just the smallest bit closer to him with the arm that was looped around his waist. "Regulus," he said, enjoying the feel of the name on his tongue, "you can't stand on your own. Let me fulfill my dream of being a knight in shining armor."_

_Regulus let out a surprised laugh. "Shining armor?" he asked, glancing at the worn out breeches and shirt James was wearing. _

_James adjusted his grip on Regulus' waist and heard the younger boy's breath hitch. "Okay, so the shining armor bit isn't going to happen. But I can still rescue a—"_

"_Don't you dare say damsel in distress," Regulus warned. _

"_I wasn't!" James defended. "I was going to say handsome prince, actually." He wasn't. "Damsels aren't really my thing."_

_Okay, that was _definitely _oversharing, no matter how cute Regulus and the freckles dotting his cheekbones were. _

_Regulus was quiet for a moment, and James was just about to take back what he had said and laugh it off when Regulus whispered softly, "They're not really my thing, either."_

_James was absolutely delighted. His flirting never went this well. Regulus, however, looked mortified that he had said anything at all, so James took pity on him and changed the subject. "How'd you hurt your ankle, Regulus?"_

_The immense gratitude on Regulus' face made James' blood sing. "I was going to meet my brother by our boat," he admitted, "but I stepped in a hole by that rock—" he pointed, "—and I think I sprained my ankle. I wasn't paying much attention."_

_James let out a low whistle. "You're lucky you didn't break it."_

"_Yeah, guess so."_

"_Where's your boat?" James asked. "I can take you to meet your brother."_

_Regulus jerked his head backwards. "It's behind us. We're a good ten minute walk from it."_

_Nodding, James turned them in that direction. "I'll carry you if you get tired," he offered. _

_Regulus lifted his chin. "I won't get tired."_

_Shrugging, James started staggering down the beach with Regulus. "I'll be here if you change your mind," he promised. _

Thudding footsteps snapped James out of the memory. He looked up and met Sirius' eyes.

"James, I've been thinking about what you said." Sirius took a deep breath; James waited curiously for him to continue. Sirius cleared his throat and continued. "So I've decided to go and talk to Regulus."

Blood roared in his ears as James' heart pounded. "Yeah?"

Sirius nodded. "James, I want you and Remus to come with me."

If James hadn't been paying attention before, he definitely would be now. "What? Why?"

"Remus is mostly there for support, if I'm being honest," Sirius admitted. "But he's also a good mediator, and I trust him to keep me in check. We tend to rile each other up." Sirius grinned amiably at him. His expression sobered as he continued. "Do you remember how you and Regulus used to court each other, back in the day?" James' eyes widened. Sirius rushed to add, "I'm not asking you to manipulate him or to start seeing him again, I promise. I just thought...if he saw you, then maybe...maybe he would listen more. If I'm being honest, James, I don't think he's ever quite gotten over you."

God, how much should he tell him? Truths were building on his tongue, years of waiting and secrecy begging to come to light. James forgot sometimes that Sirius was privy to their relationship in its early stages. He'd been so supportive, and that had meant a lot to both James and Regulus. When Sirius asked James if he wanted to sail away with him after his parents disowned him, he'd looked extremely guilty. Neither of them had wanted to leave Regulus behind, but their hearts and his were set on different paths; that much had been clear. So it was with a heavy soul that James had agreed, because Sirius was his friend, and because adventure was a temptress. Regulus was always a siren's call to his heart, and so he was thrilled when Sirius announced that Regulus had offered to let them all dock by his estate.

When they arrived, however, nothing was as James thought—or maybe hoping—they would be. Regulus and Sirius' brotherly relationship had been dragged to hell and back, and though they only talked briefly, things were stilted between Regulus and James. But they agreed to try again because, well, they loved each other. A lot. And they thought that that made trying to salvage what they'd had worth it.

But Sirius and Regulus were still in a rough spot. James _really _didn't want Regulus to get mad at him...but…

"Sirius, I've got something to confess," he blurted. Sirius blinked and opened his mouth, but James continued before he got the chance to say anything. "Regulus and I have been seeing each other in secret. We never really broke up."

Sirius balked. "What—but I—you...When would you have been able to see him? You almost never leave the ship, even when we come here!"

James looked at him sheepishly. "I sneak out and we spend the night together."

"I can't believe you've corrupted my brother."

James flushed. "I have not! He's twenty-five, Sirius—"

"That is _not_ an excuse, James—"

Someone cleared their throat. James and Sirius both whipped around to face the newcomer. Both of them paled. Regulus and Remus were standing in the doorway, both with disapproving expressions on their face, though Regulus' was also slightly red.

"Are you mad?" James inquired nervously.

"That you told my brother?" Regulus asked, arching an eyebrow. He sighed. "No, not really."

"What, ah, are you doing here, Regulus?" Sirius asked.

Wordlessly, Regulus handed a letter that James hadn't even realized he was holding to Sirius. Sirius eyebrows furrowed and then shot up as he read the letter. In other circumstances, James might have laughed about it with Regulus.

Closing his eyes, Sirius said, "I'm so, so sorry, Regulus. You don't deserve that."

Regulus shrugged, but James could see the hurt and resignation in his eyes. "May I read it?" James asked cautiously.

When Regulus nodded, James took the letter from Sirius and went to stand next to Regulus. He intertwined their fingers and rubbed his thumb comfortingly across Regulus' pale skin. Then he began to read.

James let out a huff when he finished. Regulus was being disowned. Someone had seen the ship when they were unexpectedly calling on Regulus. James glanced at his lover, who wouldn't quite meet his eyes, and he reached over to cup his chin.

"Hey," James said softly, momentarily forgetting about his two friends in the room, "it'll be okay. You've got me, and I'll always be here. No matter what. If you want us to drop you off in a foreign port to try and work your way back to the top, then that's what we'll do. But I'll be here, even if you change your mind."

Tears started to slide down Regulus' face, and James gently brushed them away. "I've been thinking," Regulus murmured, "about...happiness. What makes the people I know happy, what doesn't make them happy, and who and what makes me happy." He took a shuddering breath and turned to Sirius and Remus. "I can't get the image of the two of you out of my head," he confessed. "You always look so happy together, so at peace, even though all you have is each other. And I think—I think that I could be that way, if I let myself try. Sirius, I'd like to come with you." He turned back to James. "And with you, wherever it is you go. No more waking up alone," he added quietly, just loud enough that James could hear it, "I'm tired of that."

A grin was sitting on Sirius' face when James and Regulus turned to look at him. "It'll be just like the good old days, Reg," he said eagerly. "You, me, the open sea, and now we get Remus and James! I swear, Regulus, you won't regret this." Then he strode forward and wrapped Regulus into a tight hug, one that was hesitantly returned. "I've gotta go make arrangements. You and James can have your own cabin, of course," he told Regulus, breaking the hug and running to the main deck, Regulus spluttering and James letting out an excited whoop behind him.

Remus smiled at them happily, a gleam lighting up his amber eyes. "I suppose I should go help him and make sure he doesn't fall overboard in excitement," he stated. "If you'll excuse me, my lo—"

"Please," Regulus interrupted, "just call me Regulus, Remus."

Remus smiled even wider. "Of course, Regulus. Despite the circumstances, I am quite glad that you'll be joining us. Sirius has told me you're an expert. I hope that you'll be able to teach James and the crew a couple of things."

The two of them laughed, ignoring James' protest, and Remus left.

"I'll have you know that I am an expert in all nautical matters," James informed his lover.

Regulus shook his head at him fondly. "I know." His face took on a more serious expression. "Listen, I want you to know that this is still all going to be super new to me. I can't promise that I'll be able to let go of everything immediately, and I can't promise that I won't consider myself above others' stations, as horrible as that may sound, but I can promise that I'll try, and—"

James cut off his rambling with a chaste kiss. "I know," he said when they broke apart. He considered Regulus for a moment. "You've changed," he decided at last.

Regulus chuckled, albeit a bit wetly. "I hope that's a compliment."

James leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Regulus'. "It is," he promised. "I love you, Regulus. Always have."

Regulus' grey eyes were impossibly soft. "I love you, too, James. It's you who gives me the courage to pursue that love." He laughed softly. "Like a knight come to save me."

"Well," James replied, "you are my life-long dream."


End file.
